The Oracle wipes off a few doormats.

Read these first. http://www.slate.com/id/2250610/pagenum/all/#p2

Charlotte: If one feels good about oneself, one wants to look good and to do something nice for oneself.

Santa Cruz: If you point out what she already sees in the mirror, someone is sure to be hurt.

Arlington: Flies notice when honey is available, even if the bees don't notice.

Philadelphia: When the horse is out of the barn and the farmer makes no effort to rein it in, the neighbors can do little to control its behavior.

Omaha: Those who live on the side of a volcano will eventually get burned.

Anon: Those who get a foot in the door are often able to enter and find comfort.

Texas: Those who do not open their mouths are doomed to smell those who do.

Squish: Better a happy homebody than a miserable doormat.

St. Louie: Better a happy ... No, wait, that one has been done. The Oracle yields to the Great Sage.
   Sage: The Great Sage has always been of the understanding that an elopement is generally done in secret, with the announcement of marriage made after the fact. Point this out, and say that you will be willing to host a reception after the fact. Alternately, let your sister dictate how you must live your life and how you must spend your finances at her whims.

Brooklyn: The Sage is not ready to relinquish the podium. Congratulate these individuals on noticing, and inform them that you are performing an experiment to determine how many people will tell you to cheer us.